This post will be somewhat different than the preceding posts on this subject, as I won't be doing a phrase by phrase application of 1 Corinthians 11, but will instead give my personal convictions of how I believe this chapter applies to our finding of true love. Some of my friends in reading this might wonder how someone with my limited experience in the area could offer helpful advice. My reply would be that this is not advice so much as a stating of mine own convictions on the subject and thus could be viewed as an apology for my life. Since I am soon approaching my 33rd year I think I am at least qualified to state and apologize for mine own convictions. If my apology is shorter than Cardinal Newman's it could be that I have less to apologize for.
I hope my convictions are truly informed by God's Word. My purpose in writing this is not to bind anyone to my convictions, but rather to help them consider how to apply God's Word to their own life and situations. If I write something that you believe is wrong or even unwise, you can be thankful that you are not under any of my convictions. As it is reported that a young Winston Churchill replied when one of his mother's friends told him that she cared neither for his politics nor his moustache, "my dear lady, I see no earthly reason you should come into contact with either!"
- Motives for pursuing a relationship
There are many reasons to begin a relationship. There are a few that I would say are precluded by the fact of love not seeking its own. It is wrong to enter a relationship to boost your self-worth. There is a concept in the world that single people are not as valuable in some way as one who are in a relationship. This particular reason is probably strongest in the teen years and then later if still single when people begin to wonder whether you ever get married. Remember That we are complete in Him. Again while physical attraction and need for companionship are valid reasons for entering a relationship, they can't be the primary reason. I would say the primary reason should be at least a belief in the possibility that together as a couple you can more effectively serve God and work together to present each other to the Lord. I realize this may sound too altruistic, but in my case especially as a minister, my first member of my flock will always be my wife, and above all others I will be required to present her to Christ. Unless I have some grounds of hope that I will be successful in this it would be unwise to pursue a relationship. The reasons for this hope would be personal and best judges by the one involved after laying it before the Lord in prayer. Of course less would be required to begin a relationship, than to progress further on it in preparation for marriage. If his actions reflected his convictions, then Charles Spurgeon must have had similar convictions because the first gift he ever gave his future wife was a copy of Pilgrim's Progress with a note wishing her much progress on her own spiritual journey.
- Behavior in a relationship
In addition to not seeking its own, love also does not rejoice in evil, so clearly love would never seek its own gratification at the expense of another's character. Also since love does not behave unbecomingly it would never intentionally do anything that would bring suspicion, even unfounded suspicion upon another. The actual working out of these principles would vary somewhat, but it is my belief that in a Christian relationship there should some discussion about how the relationship can glorify God in the way it is conducted. Since if a dating or courtship ends in a marriage, the relationship formed in this time will carry over and form the basis of the marriage relationship, it is a good idea to begin considering these things fairly early on.
If you want a God glorifying marriage, it should begin with a God glorifying courtship. If you are pursuing a relationship for the right reasons and consider that you are laying the foundations for a life-long relationship it will affect how you act in that relationship. Proverbs 19:16 says that he who despises his ways shall die. If we do whatever feels right at the time we will get into trouble. Conversely if we allow others to determine all of our standards of behavior we will also be in danger. Many times in Scripture we are enjoined to consider our ways, to not be careless of them, etc. If we are laying the foundation for the rest of our life, surely we should prayerfully consider and discuss in what ways we can honor God at this time. The advantage of this way of doing things is that while other people are not always around, but Christ is, and so is your conscience. Also if we try to please people we may or may not be successful and might very well fail to please God. If however we strive to please God, then we have won, no matter what else happens. This applies not only to courtship, but to every area of our life. As Christians we want to please God. One hall mark of the Bride of Christ as seen in Proverbs 31 is doing good and not evil to the Beloved all the days of his life. It is easy to restrain someone from doing evil, but to have someone doing good requires a measure of willing service and freedom. Prisons are great at preventing criminals from harming society, but prisoners do no good for society, that requires freedom and a willingness to do good. It is my conviction to approach my life in this way judging things by Scripture and applying it to life trusting in God to open my eyes where they are closed. It is never hurtful to examine our conduct in light of Scripture, it can however seem odd even in Christian circles to really do so. It is easier to let others do your thinking for you, but then you lose the privilege of learning to please God for yourself and knowing His joy on your life.
Of course the patience, forbearance, kindness and other qualities of love are essential to make a relationship work.
As previously stated my goal with this post is to encourage an examination of our actions in the light of God's Word. God's Word is able to divide between our soul and spirit and reveal our intents and thoughts as we meditate on it. I hope that this post will help others to consider their own conduct in whatever area of life they are focusing on right now and ask themselves what part of God's Word can help them in this area. Many times it is a lack of application of Scripture that is our problem.
May God grant us to be doers of His Word and to be pleasing in His sight. Amen
1 comment:
Very thought provoking Dan. Praying for you!
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